Kindness: How to lead with natural affection

I used to hide my emotions and avoid building connections with my employees. I wanted a clear line of separation between us in the workplace. However, I missed the key to relationship building: showing care, affection, and admiration for my employees' work and outputs. 

Brotherly love (philadelphia in Greek) is a concept we have lost through the ages. The affection you show to a close friend, someone you admire and respect, is the cornerstone of relationships. Unlocking this concept with your team is a game changer for building trust and enhancing your leadership abilities. Kindness is never a weakness. 

This concept may be hard to grasp initially, but it is the key to unlocking better relationships with your followers. It’s also a concept that Marcus Aurelius writes about in Meditations. (I can’t recommend it enough if you've never read it.) Marcus learned about brother love early on from his mother, a highly respected and accomplished woman in Ancient Rome. 

Marcus Aurelius became Caesar (the title given to a future emperor) before becoming an adult. He was raised near his adopted grandfather, Hadrian, the Emperor of Rome. To put it lightly, Hadrian was a terrible ruler. He ruled with fear, executing countless ‘conspirators’ with little evidence. 

Marcus was acutely aware of how power can corrupt, and he was especially fearful of losing his philostorgia, the Greek word for natural affection. Marcus understood that affection was the key to being a successful leader. This affection would be better defined as mutual respect between Marcus and his subjects. 

Marcus was keenly aware of the possibility he could become ‘Caesarified’ or ‘dyed purple’ (the color of Roman royalty), as he said in Meditations. Marcus wanted to emulate his adopted father’s (Antoninus) style, which focused on being a public servant and leading with kindness. Antoninus even went so far as to wear normal, everyday civilian attire instead of the imperial purple robes of his predecessors. He wanted to show that he was a member of the collective working for the good of all, not just the elites in power. 

The idea of being a public servant was rooted in the concept of natural affection for fellow human beings. Marcus would carry this idea into his role as emperor. In fact, Marcus is credited with over 100 legal precedents that focused on the welfare of women, children, and enslaved people. 

Leaders should focus on being a servant to their followers. After all, we’re all the same species. We must interact with each other in nature to enhance the collective. We are all a part of the larger human race. Leaders understand it’s not about them. It’s about those in their care. 

Reflection:

Take note of your behaviors.

• Are you working to enhance the collective?

• Are you interested in building relationships on trust?

• How can you integrate the idea of natural affection into your leadership style?

It has to do with how you treat your followers.

Are you treating them with kindness, assuming positive intent? You get to choose how you perceive the actions of your followers. Will you view the actions favorably until proven otherwise? Your duty is to enhance the collective; that’s the purpose of leadership. The collective output will exceed the collection of individual outputs. Treat people with kindness, build relationships, and work toward enhancing the collective.  

Check out these two books below to learn more about Marcus. 

• Marcus Aurelius: The Stoic Emperor (Ancient Lives Series) by Donald Robertson. This is the most comprehensive (arguably only) biography covering the full picture of Rome’s greatest Emperor. 

• Meditations. The journal Marcus wrote himself for himself. (He never intended to publish it!) This book is an absolute gem with troves of wisdom you can apply to your leadership role.

Another great resource for your leadership journey:

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